i fell in love and i needed a roadmap

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 21:58:36 GMT

last updated 77 weeks ago. holy mackrel.

this next week marks my (counting on fingers), one, two, three, four...yeah, fourth move in the last few years of my life. prescott, oshkosh, atlanta, salt lake, now denver. hopefully i'm filing the right taxes for the state(s) i have live(d) and work(ed) in. probably going to get in trouble for that later. well, amidst the chaos of the move, and packing/unpacking my collections of random stuff one might not treasure as highly, a little sitting back on the rocking chair of life, or, in the grass underneath a perfectly-sized shade tree, has me thinking of the past. a little looking back in the countless emails stored in the computer reveal the beginnings of friendships that materialized into more-than-working relationships, rather, good friends. also found are some emails of times when friendships may have slipped off the deep end. other emails read about those crazy times in college, when mass-mailing the entire campus was once permitted, and the formation of campus clubs and organizations could bear my name and boast membership status that put the 'embry riddle first person gaming club' combined with the 'japanese anime and manga club' to shame. heck, even add the 'camping club' to the list. still no contest. some emails even have me remembering the daily grind, the schedules, the opportunities, the fun, the good times...

i'm glad i have all these emails. i know about 85% of them relate to either of the following choices:

1. enlarging my penis
2. applying for credit cards
3. random spam emails
4. random work-related emails
5. steve field out of the office emails

but for a few MB's on the firm drive, it's a good read once in a while. but now, i must return to packing/cleaning/organizing. putting it off and writing in the journal that hasn't seen any love in over 77 weeks is probably time i will not get back. but then again, i still have six hours of daylight. three-quarters of a tank of gas. a half-charged treo. and i'm wearing sunglasses.

life is amazing, isn't it?

love, roy.

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 01:10:27 GMT

new blog

the new home of my thoughts and stuff

out.

tomorrow

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 14:43:03 GMT

tomorrow marks the celebration for the first annual root canal. thursday at 1100 the gates open to the public, and the drilling begins. dentists, as well as other doctors give me the chills. call me a baby, but i get freaked out at hospitals and such. but the sweet platinum tooth bling action that i hope gets put in will make up for all my pain and suffering.

and now, a day later, the root canal is done. boy does the root canal have a bad reputation among people. it really wasn't that painful. they numb your gums before they inject novicane into them. then they wait til your mouth is completely numb and then they start doing all kinds of stuff. i didn't see much of what went on; they put this thing over your mouth so you can't sneak a peek. then comes some drilling noises (and if it hurts a little, they give you more novicane) and then some stuff gets injected into your tooth. then, whala! not really tough at all. although walking around with half of your face numb kinda makes you look silly. especially if you try to smile.

the doc gave me some vicotin and told me to take ibuprofen like it was out of style (400-800mg 3-4 times a day) and if it really hurt to take the vicotin. so im taking it easy at work. altitude changes won't hurt my teeth nor the work that they did, but why not enjoy some time off work (even if i am broke).

well, the winds are null, the battery is charged. time to take the tantrum flying. remember kids: root canals are nothing to be scared of. now, this guy busting rhymes at your window is something to be scared of.

for the last few months

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 03:35:19 GMT

today, april 28, 2005. currently i am residing in room 205 of the hampton inn in salina, kansas, where the flight team that i was once a part of is battling over 25 of the nation's best collegiate aviatiors to earn the title of national champions. while i have been here for over a week and a half now, i have enjoyed a few laughs, thanks to a dodge caravan, a ford f350 econoline 15 passenger van, and 20 of the most humorous and all-around great people to be hanging around with. but, while i am here, keeping the troops together and making sure they're ready to take home those trophies, i have been without one of, if not, the most important thing in my life. and it has been tough. but i know that as much as we love eachother, that we can survive through anything. but this longing to be with her is tough, and, knowing that by the end of next month i could be in another state working at a new job (hopefully), this 'training period' just shows me what i am going to have to deal with when this supposed job comes in to play. some might ask 'how will it work?' or 'is it worth it?' ... and without thinking, i know the answer. for its that smile you get when you wake up and she is next to you just waking up to your kisses, or that laugh when you make a funny comment, the way she holds you when you come home from being away for a week. the way she looks at you when you tell her you love her with all your heart.......ahh! okay, seriously, if someone knows someone who could get a concorde into salina and take me to prescott, that would be great. cause sunday could not come any sooner.

nothing matters when we're dancing.

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 06:48:11 GMT

see, the future is there.

nothing matters when we're dancing, and that's the damn truth. don't you forget that. cause when we're dancing, it's magic. real good magic. like, magic that has not been perceived, contested, or demonstrated. not even the rabbits knew it was coming. nor, the men walking through the wilderness with their weapons at hand, awaiting the reappearance of that pesky wabbit. not even me.

i fell in love, and i needed a roadmap to find out where you lived. so excited now, sleepwalking.

this is it

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 20:04:31 GMT

brother and sister, 2004.

no, it's not my wedding, its my sister's wedding! yeah, her and bob tied the knot on december 11, 2004. what a beautiful ceremony. so. back to the blog. this whole writing of things on the internet draws skepticism in my head as to the importance of why i spend time writing this. do people read it? is it that i have no one to talk to and tell about what is going on in my life? not too sure, seeing as though i am a "cough cough dirt bag flight instructor" as posted on the internet. somewhere.

well, i am enjoying life. as should you. and my sister and her new husband. god bless them.

it breaks everything.

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 02:52:40 GMT

the majority of the writings set forth in this documentary usually surround some sort of conflict and how i formulate it's resolution. the content of the writings brief in nature, with a low frequency of revisions. mostly because of a lack of free time that has plagued my new working life; the urges to avoid computing for extended periods of time keeps me from typing out what the mind is conjuring. but, the times are changing around here. this new working lifestyle is starting to set in, with the abilities to not only fund the house that covers my warm, naked body when i sleep, but also to enjoy the pleasures of my life, even if i am wearing a cheerleader's miniskirt, passed out on a couch, with my socks for some reason littering the ground beneath me.

recent actions have shown me that the little things are starting to be more enjoyable in my life. a simple trip to the grocery store, watching some more OC episodes with friends that decided a sitcom is much higher on today's docket than safety class, or a simple game of solitaire, even if i do deal three cards out as opposed to the much more appreciated single card deal. relaxing, enjoying a day reading while watching the clouds dance across the dry mountain sky, even an afternoon nap now receive more importance than daily chores, tasks, and errands.

enjoying the company of those that you have come to miss really brightens your day, and your smile.

but even after thirty games of solitaire, i still lose. each and every time. but that does not stop me. because my grandmother once said, "it's now what they are thinking about, it's who they are thinking about." and those cards better be ready to be dominated.

the good times are killing me.

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 04:52:31 GMT

images convey words that only books can contain. to further illustrate (no pun intended) such fact, this entry is headlined with this:

the constant foresight of my life leaves me looking back at the good times. those times where the schedule was not a limitation, or a factor at all for that matter. those times where you dictated what went on. those times where you felt most alive. no one was watching you and your every move. it was you. and that became the good times. constantly changing what was to be had, what needed intervention, and what you were fantasizing about would happen that evening. for once, alive was not just the opposite of being dead. it was something no dictionary could define. it was what you did each day, and it's impact became opaque, hidden in the cloudiness of the day.

so, i sit here, and look out into the sky, wondering when that feeling of alive will come back to me.

transatlanticism

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 08:20:04 GMT

for the first time since august four, i am with my very own room. not an inhabitant of the void floor space of another, nor the inhabitant of the void floor space of the living room of another. yes, now, i have my own room. hurrah. but this weekend, the community was shocked with some news about those that we admire. those that had inspired us to do what we do best. and it is because of them that some of us are where we are now. so, god bless those gentleman, and those that they left behind.

but, the show must go on. my room needs some sort of "thing" to fill some space. perhaps a couch built for two, a bookshelf and some sort of comfortable chair to relax on, and read while enjoying some tunes. the floor is open for suggestions.

as for what is to come of me, the times will tell. many opportunities have unfolded themselves in front of me. many exciting things are out there in my immediate future. as to what i grab, and what pushes away is to be discovered when the time comes. but, i can tell you this. i am going to sleep now. and i will grab that pillow as if it were you. yes, you. well, not so much you, but you, yeah, you.

cruel summer.

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 05:48:08 GMT

tuesday august zero three, two thousand and four, a.d.

tomorrow, i will endure some thousands of miles of the middle of america along my path headed towards prescott, arizona. surely, the day and a half drive sounds about as fun as choking on some sort of refreshing beverage, but the road to success unfortunately begins in the arizona area, and there is no magical time-space bending mechanism in the red rocket. but, there are a few pillows, some clothes, and the petals of a rose flower that have littered the floors of my faithful steed for the last month or so.

the summer here has been one that i do not believe i can recreate. the people. the planes. the possibilities. couldn't do it. being a camp counselor this summer has taught me a lot about myself, and moreso how to become the man that i aspire to be. thanks to those that i have had the honor to work with, and those that i have had the honor to become friends with, and those that i have had the honor to become more than friends with, i leave here with nothing but great memories of the times we had shared. even on those cloudy days of our lives, i never regretted what the weather reports said, and even what the forecast said. all i saw were hot, sunny days, with a light wind from the northeast.

with that, i hope that those that i have enjoyed this summer continue to keep in touch with me. i already know that i have plans to see some later this year in las vegas, california, and maybe even in prescott. nothing like seeing your summer sister again.

but enough getting all mopey.

i'm coming home. lets praty. august nine. work begins. ching-au!

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 04:56:03 GMT

thursday, july 08, 2004.
trying to start this out like doogie howser would. minus the two-color screen, vintage-themed font, and famous "doogie howser" theme song. today, it's a little death cab.

the camp that is going on has a lot of great campers within it. ages fourteen to fifteen, they seem to enjoy learning something new, and meeting new people that they can look up to. especially when they glue their fingers together and we hide the debonder.

my summer, so far, has been going well-above any predetermined expectations that i may have had for it. i know that i am not flying as much as i want to be, and my position in the camp is slightly skewed from what i thought it would be, i make the best of a great situation, and now enjoy long sleepless nights of thinking what i can do with fifty different lego pieces and how fast i can text message on my phone.

just like last summer, things are starting to get a little weird. two hour drives at night seem to become routine, sleepless nights quickly remedied with some sort of coffee-based beverage, and a great appreciation for something not used lately, the hyphen key. - . there, another one. - . and another.

as much as i have to realize that the twenty-five hour drive is coming soon, my attraction to america's dairyland makes the voyage seem as i could throw it aside, and forget what is going on in arizona. or, better, to load the red rocket with that airplane freak from milwaukee and begin the life as a Funk Model B owner, and the husband of a first grade teacher.

i like a girl.

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 07:23:05 GMT

saturday. two fifteen a m. still awake. must be awake. job dictates i be awake. but, work...none. just hang out. be awake. chill. relax. enjoy the silence, right matt? currently, for those not in the know, i am a camp counselor for the eaa's air academy in oshkosh, wisconsin. home to the bubler, jimmies, and custard stands. not ice cream, but custard. twice the fat, twice the taste. too bad philly took the reigns of the fattest city in the union. milwaukee is working on a new plan to take it over by going to all local grocers, food stores, restaurants, bars, wherever...and taking anything that says atkins approved and putting those much-needed carbs back into them. yes. then milwaukee might take over the fat capital of the usa. something that they should be proud of.

for those that love to mail me, use the following address:

Roy Evans II
c/o EAA Air Academy Lodge
PO BOX 3086
Oshkosh, WI 54902

for those that use the email, you know it.

for those that use the aim, the aim doesn't work here. schade. so, write.

back to four more hours of all night duty. keep quiet please.

WAIT!!!

july 24. if you can make it to saint paul, i have a huge ass block party for you to go to, and a place to stay. here's the linkey.

click here to go to http://www.1934strike.org

bisous!

i think dj assault has a song about this...

Tue, 18 May 2004 05:21:36 GMT

for the last week or so i have had the distinct honour of not being in arizona. rather, myself and the red rocket of truth have toured the nation's famous interstate system from phoenix to tonight's destination of st. paul, minnesota. now that i sleep beside a computer, it is only appropriate that i add into the journal some words of wisdom, since it has been quite some time since i had last enjoyed the capability of the pr0n superhighway, or the information superhighway, or perhaps the largest waste of time, yet the most expensive waste of time (that 20? ball had a retail cost that rivaled that of the blue mouse pad that caresses the bottom of the compaq non-optical mouse).

the road is forgiving. it lets you enjoy how much of it you want to, and are ready to grasp. lets not get all warm and fuzzy.

places other than arizona do exist in the nation. even places other than the midwest. those are yet to be travelled to, but soon, they will be conquered. in a rodney king style. minus the beating. plus some URWW buttons.

bed is calling. more to follow.

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 10:16:14 GMT

eh.. i am drunk.

i walked home from a distant land...or a distant party. or, as jeff calls, a praty.

amongst my observations, i have learned. the knowledge that my immediate exhile from this town is imminent and about as serious as cancer. why? ill tell you later.

for now i sleep, and write...i know its been a while, but if you dont stop and look around once in a while, you might miss life. or that stop sign you just ran. or that cop you sped by. or that bed that is screaming your name.

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 06:01:49 GMT

do i have an original idea in my head?

where i end and you begin

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 06:17:46 GMT

the glassy surface of the weekend clearly dries, revealing the chaotic waves of the week ahead that one must either circumnavigate or parade through the toughest of crests that one may ever encounter within their lifetime within the confines of the seas. to aid in the creation of such chaotic waters, one professor decided to send me some cannonball-scaled waves in the plastic kiddy pool of my collegiate career:

Dear Mr. Evans:

Again you missed turning in last week's mini-assignment. Consequently, based on your lack of performance in turning in the mini-assignments, I will be notifying your academic advisor and the Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences that I am withdrawing my offer to give you an incomplete in the course if you decide not to do the Final Exam when every other student is going to do theirs. That means, that I strongly believe that you should opt for dropping the course at this point in time before you end up with an "F".

Sincerely,

Ricardo A. Carreras, Ph.D.

another tsumani properly labeled with my number on it we will call insomnia. somehow, taking two classes has been even busier than me taking six classes. today i spent exactly twelve hours at the flight line, from 0530 to 1730, although i managed a quick thirty minute break for lunch. and, even with all this busy-ness, running around, even mad football action on saturday nights, i am still in need of a good nite's sleep.

something keeps me awake every night, i just dont know what it is.

one more thing to add to the horrids of the seas of the week: the constant yearning for the weekend. for the weekends are those days where responsibility and commitment collide into a brick wall.

yet, this weekend could be different. maybe you will come and say hello to me. this time, live. in person. ready to accept sediments of my love and affection.

so, omit those storms of the seas. for one who stretches for the islands far, far ahead, will only be ready to accept what the weekend contains; they are mere attempts at distracting one from reaching their destination. well, just like the santa maria, this ship is going to make it there.

i dare you to stop me, senor carreras.

where i end and you begin

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 03:40:09 GMT

finally, twelve hours (or 499.992 beats on the internet time clock) of sleep give me the sensation that i am actually awake. things make more sense; the day is more clear, and work gets done. my troubles with time management disappear like your savings into a game of chance. pesky troubles and interruptions are welcomed with a warming sense, rather than with resistance and fury. suddenly, this new found sleep has given me a new light on the world. passion fruit.

today, i finally squeaked my fat ass into the doors of KFLI, the campus radio station, and scored me a radio slot. for those that are in the prescott area, that is 106.1 megahertz frequency modulated. i will post my playlist for this sunday's show from 1000-1200 local as soon as i get it burned onto some cd action.

but for now, i'm going to enjoy the rest of this delicious meal my future brother in law prepared, and sip this wine. til tomorrow, i rest well, dreaming of nothing better.

day two of the dvorak adventures

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 09:04:21 GMT

day two into the abyss of the dvorak keyboard, and my progression into the new language has left the bounds of "hunt and punch" and i now have some kind of idea where the keys are located. i tried changing the keys on my laptop, but i was afraid i would break the keys off permanently, disgracing the apple design. but, nonetheless, my attempts to become multilingual (in some fashion) are moving steadily. yet, the change, to some being unjustified and an utter waste of finite resources, is causing me to conjure more metaphors (such as this new keyboard layout being some new kind of input device that affects my actions and outputs).

apparently, the minimum wage in france is now around nine usd. too bad i would be prosecuted for wearing a bandanna, otherwise i would be there, lickety split.

art school is calling me. maybe not so much art school, but some kind of future educational institution. jon arthur (deadathome) and i conversed on the value of enjoying southern france. and their wine. studying abroad, the pursuit of more education, these dreams i have all are being masked by this constant void i suppose i need to fill in the aviation market. taking a few years out of the workplace would not only set me back, but would cause me to lose my currency, and more importantly, my proficiency, among other things. but, for some reason, i am living this life like i am on a set of rails, yet there are these track changes ahead that are not to be altered until somewhat close to the station. although this gives me more time to enjoy the scenery just prior to the station, i am left with this immediate need for change just short of the track changes.

spring break is calling me. prescott is getting prank called by me. my love for prescott rivals the love the amateur radio community had for swatch's beatnik program. by the way, its @418 internet time right now. but, i am ready to leave here. for a week. to go somewhere far and distant. somewhere i have never been before. somewhere like tahiti. let's just hope visa is there, too.

sometimes, you just ask for more direction out of life. and some will say, "it's not the destination, it's the road to get there." i could argue for or against that comment, but, it is not the time of the night for me to be arguing with myself. apparently, someone's virility (possibly) is being tested six and a half meters to my left.

the more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

hello. i am roy. i want a pony. insomnia is cool.

thank you for riding CTA's blue line.

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 06:36:22 GMT

the winters of my childhood were long, long seasons. we lived in three places - the school, the church, and the skating rink - but our real live was on the skating rink.

those words litter the flipside of a five dollar bill in canada. how do i know this? well, i am an honourary canadian. here is the proof.

by the way, tonight's post is brought to you by DVORAK. i spent a few minutes taking each letter off of my keyboard and arranging them in the DVORAK keyboard layout, as opposed to the universally-accepted QWERTY layout. why? i don't know. i dare to be different. maybe, this is a modest attempt at trying to become more civilized, in learning a new "language" if you will. maybe it is just because i strive to be different, which is not really all that difficult in prescott, arizona. shit, if i brush my teeth once a day, i am different. heh. joke.

i spent an hour today taking pictures from the new york times and pasting them to the outside of a paper bag. interesting, eh? it looks really neato. i put some quotes from the paper on it, and lined the bag with multicolored construction paper. it hangs now beneath the room lamp as some sort of icon of the media system, or just as a sign of my creativity, but regardless, i really enjoyed its construction. as soon as i get my sister's digital camera, i shall share the images.

i also have images to scan from chicago. note to self: scan the images from chicago.

damn, everyone is getting married this year. to name a few, a. pinto, r. brantner, p. vana, and now, ted and intervigilum. who is next? well, i would not say me. why? i am 21. not that i don't believe i can handle the marriage life right now, it's more a factor of i have no idea what i am going to be doing within the next six months, let alone a few years, and i don't expect me to stop someone else who is significant to me to stop what they are doing to follow me around the world (you have to be realistic sometimes). yet, before the worrying about the where and what, you really need the who. and, though sometimes my heart and mind agree that they may have been introduced to the who (or, rather, a series of who's)....well, let's not look at marriage in the who, but the why....or..

yet, i remain asunder. and contradicting myself. must reflect on that later.

today it snowed. and i was cold. wearing a bikini. now, i am takin' a break. in the warm house. still in a bikini.

lost in translation is now playing at the local ghetto theatre. i've seen it twice already. more to come. borderline obsessed.

(arts and crafts time has been extended by four hours today)

i hope you think i am serious about this spring break.

Tue, 13 Jan 2004 06:34:04 GMT

today's adventures leave me to think that there is a clock that is ticking away at me. that time is called my father. recently diagnosed with a heart that is not healthy, not to add in the diabetes, high blood pressure, and a recent divorce. i know that his health is deteriorating, and that only motivates me to spend more time with him, as well as take better care of myself, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

today i relished on the memories that i have had with a sweet, delicious frozen dessert with my sister. rekindling the love that i once had for a ninety-eight percent fat free white chocolate mousse frozen yogurt waffle cone straight from the country's best yogurt took some nerve racking to drown out. thanks to ladytron for the canceling properties.

i learn more and more about myself each and every day. today, i learned that i cannot read the opposite sex. let's look at it like a crosswalk signal. let's just say, the road looks open; no cars in sight. the crosswalk sign shows a white man in a walking motion. surely, a walk across the road is in order. yet, a few steps down the crosswalk, the sign reverts to a flashing red palm. and the road is now filled with traffic headed your way. surely, you calculate a steady pace to cross the street could be safe, knowing that some risk would be involved, but you would rather run over to the other side. or, rather, you would run back to the other side in which you started from, knowing that your safety is not compromised from a few steps back rather than a jog to the other side. sometimes, du bist in. sometimes, du bist out. but, wer is in? wer ist out?

i've decided to not worry about such mundane things in life. rather, i have decided to not concern myself with signals. cause, what are you going to do when you need to cross the street and there is no signal? surely, a technical problem, or a lack of electrical potential will not keep you from making your journey.

i really don't know where that came from, but it was typed into this keyboard. and now, it is in the journal.

egad defines a bass tone.

my love for journaling and recording thoughts and feelings that i have had is making the recently apprehended photographs from my adventures in chicago ten fold more memorable. like, ethen hunt. the homeless man that i purchased lunch with. or the aids exhibit at the museum of science and industry.

my new found insomnia is soon leaving my body. seeing as though i am tired for once, i am going to collect on it.

this is attempt number four

Fri, 09 Jan 2004 07:59:20 GMT

well, let's try this again. so this is the new year. and i dont feel any different. well, actually, mr. gibbard, you are half correct. this new year, i feel slightly different. well, perhaps on today's account. many sleepless nights and chapped lips are causing me to doubt the resilience of my immune system. but, these doubts only come at the expense of the image casted on the bathroom mirror. i am not coughing, wheezing, or sneezing. it's the impression that i am getting, somehow.

i am sad to report that the ficus plant dedicated to the memory of the late elliott smith (whom, is now rumored to have been murdered) is clutching to life courtesy of the life support machine that i have constructed. perhaps two weeks of no love will do it to a ficus. but, forgiveness comes late, as its leaves now line the pot that houses its decaying root structure in a sort of cannibalistic manner; attempting to revive the plant with the sediments of its own life. something darwin never thought of. heh. funny how my hypotheses are accepted everywhere, unlike his, which resort to american consumerism and the rear bumpers of many vehicles in your neighborhood.

fuck fish.

seeing as though i have only two classes to conquer this semester (intro to geography and exploring film) , i am left with a vast array of free time. and for some reason, i have some urge to seek employment somewhere. perhaps the mall. nevertheless, this free time is something that i am sure i will not be able to enjoy for some time in my life, as it is coming soon to that time where i become a contributing member to america's tax revenue system, as well as to the nation's gross domestic product, which ten percent is attributed to the aviation market. but, with the cost to live versus time to relax...i'm still debating this one, but once consensus comes to the table every time..

fuck money.

i have been alive for slightly more than seven thousand, seven hundred eighty-five days. that kind of lifespan accounts for an average of nine hundred seventy six million plus heartbeats. thanks to the museum of science and industry for that one. over the break, i had the pleasure of adventuring in chicago. something that i rarely get to enjoy, and took the time to enjoy greatly. but, traveling is something that not only i excel at in basketball, it is also something i enjoy in life. but, travel is not cheap. and it takes time. well, now comes another debate in the job v. time case (roe v. wade all over again). but, if one inch equaled five miles, that makes me twelve point one feet away from some great conversation, twenty two point six seven feet away from lewis carroll's prints of 'xie' kitchin, which i can stare at for hours on hours, and twenty six point three feet away from the home of the genipa americana rubiaceae, or the huito tree, which perplexes my mind how it grows and keeps its form in our environment. but, those are feet. make those meters and the distance seems irrelevant. [ironically, one of my intellectually-founded new years resolutions was to use the metric system exclusively this year].

fuck english units.

on the fourth attempt, i think i got everything i wanted to say. i enjoy writing to this journal. maybe, you even enjoy reading it. maybe, someone in uzbekistan is reading this, seeing similarities between them and i. well, hello. and goodbye.

[get yourself a mosquitos cd, its about as indie pop as you can get in a non-plastic cd case]

come tomorrow, i'll be on my way back home

Tue, 30 Dec 2003 03:48:37 GMT

this year has been one of many great ones that fills the history books of my life. within the year, i have made many new great friends, lost a few, gained some knowledge, and lost some money. totalling up everything that happened in the year, i don't see anything drastically improving, but i'm not about track records. it was a great year. one that i will never forget. one that i will look back on later in life and say, "booyah".

but, come tomorrow, i'll be on my way back home. chicago. sweet home. me, a backpack full of clothes, a wallet full of nothing, and fifteen rolls of film. oh yeah, and a chicago transit authority map. obviously, a camera too. for the film.

but enough reflections. adventure awaits tomorrow. no agendas, no commitments. just adventure. i hope everyone's new years festivities will be fun. the windy city awaits me.

(and, its the windy city not because of winds.....its a political thing...)

pinch hitting for

Wed, 17 Dec 2003 04:21:00 GMT

standing, hovering over home plate, i sit and regather the last few pitches directed towards me from the opposing team. so far, as i recall, the last two pitches have been near misses, all directed at the top right corner of the strike zone, at a fast pace, travelling in a straight line.

as the third pitch is being composed, i wonder if the current trend in this pitcher's performance will continue with a fastball to the top right corner, and with me swinging and missing, or, if something new is coming my way. whatever comes my way, i stand feverishly, hovering over home plate, bat in hand, eye on the ball, awaiting its arrival.

as this pitch comes to me, i immediately freeze-frame to a position outside my body. i can see that i appear rather nervous, while the bat shakes above my head like someone is making martinis. i see the ball, frozen in mid air, halfway to the plate. i know a lot rides on this potential hit, as this is the last game in the season, with the family watching me from the stands. a lot is riding on this one, and my trembling posture at the plate reveals this greatly.

now, back at the plate, i'm watching this ball come at me. already halfway to me in an extremely slow-motion manner, i can see that it is a curve ball to the left side of the zone. i know it is a curve ball now. i can even make out the stitches of the ball as it heads towards me at around ninety miles per hour. now i should adjust. but i cannot. i am frozen. choked up with the pressures of the game, the family in the stands, the last game of the season, maybe even the last time i will get to bat for quite some time. but still, i go at it as if it were the standard fast ball to the center of the zone.

and, as previously foreshadowed, i swing with no contact to the ball.

just after the fact, i stand there with an intense feeling of failure, as i have let myself, my team, and my family down. and i knew it was a curve ball; i opted not to adjust for the pitch that i saw coming. and now comes the questioning; could this intense feeling of striking out have been gone if i would have adjusted correctly? what if i just choked up on the bat? what if the parents were not watching?

the questioning begins, and adds to the sense of self-defeat that my current strikeout has given me.

i thought of baseball today on my way to get food. i slept all day, i mean, literally. all day. and i am still tired. but, my arrival to the canton dragon only prompted me to leave. and as i travelled abeam a circle k, i had some urge to stop, park all the way to the left, get out and get an icee. and the ten dollar bill that previously occupied my parking spot.

with a new ten dollar bill, and countless shooting stars, some would say i'm lucky. i say, indescribable.

Wed, 10 Dec 2003 06:55:21 GMT

certain things in my life unfold this week like a dinner napkin being torn from its origami styled shape at a fine restaurant. but, whatever the rest of the week holds in store for me, i do know that my future as an attourney is about as solid as lego blocks.

starting off today's adventure of (insert catchy title here), i represented a friend in the peoria superior court, which is conveniently located in a strip mall that features a store called 'curves,' whose customer base is yet to be determined, as well as a chiropractor (i'm sure the honourable lex e anderson takes advantage of a chiropractor being so close to his office a lot). the results of my first case are yet to be disclosed, in a public address, or as an article to the school newspaper.

later this day, i spent three hours doing some house cleaning. it was really getting to me. i cannot stand a filthy house. especially when the possibility of a guest for a night or two is in the not so distant future. i hung a photo of 50 cent in our shower, with a sign that says, "50 cent sayz: yo, dogg! dis bathroom be spick and span! show some respekt botha and keep it dat way, werd?! fo' sheezy." i figured that my words are meaningless to the roomates, but if 50 cent can be found in the club, just like my roomates, he could influence them with a more uplifting outlook on bathroom maintenance. thanks, 50 cent.

but, life's more pressing issues are still being attempted to be condensed into a more cliffs notes version, seeing as though all the details and all the adjectives / metaphors block me from understanding the true meaning of my life, but i must not give off the impression that they are not important; i just need a simple, clean cut version that needs no interpretation, as interpretation has gotten me painted into too many corners in my life.

if only the gti could reach 88 miles per hour, my affection for what things were would be welcomed with such sediments of love that keep my mind thinking about the past; keeping my eyes moisturized at night.

sometimes, i'm half tempted to recycle these questions i have about my new found affection for explaining things, but in such a world that demands nothing but ones and zeros, there is no room for the twos and threes that define my life. that's it. i'm stuck in a binary world and i am the number two. heh. explains everything. funny how life's quest explain the unexplainable resorts to more metaphors.

don't get me wrong. i am not depressed. just imaginative. like a child. is it wrong to imagine? could you tell a child "no, you are not a snow princess. you are just a kid ice skating." no one could. not even cassius clay. or clark gable.

and now, to explain this all in a four megabyte sound file, download death cab for cutie's track we laugh indoors. i have a mix cd for you all. im me you addresses. stat.

i am a visitor here..

Sat, 06 Dec 2003 16:13:43 GMT

a lack of updates prompts the user that either one, a combination of, or all of the following hypothesis are true:

1. the user is busy
2. the user is not here
3. the user is thinking too much

a common consensus of the three choices would reveal number three to be most valid. so, what am i thinking about? a little formula. risk is equal to the factor of probability and severity. it's difficult when you have one variable already solved for, yet the other variable cannot be calculated with modern-day triple integral calculus, or with differential equations. attempting to graph such a formula, or to simplify it, only adds to the confusion. this confusion, in tern, influences your interpretation of the unknown variable. this confusion also influences your lifestyle, sleeping habits, or even your persona, or it's lack of appearance in public.

but, since the variable is unknown, you begin to draw some hypothesis. maybe it is this, or maybe it is that. then, out comes a radical answer to the formula. and it is usually not the one that you want. this result skews your perspective even more on the conclusion to this equation.

and again, influencing your day to day actions.

i was really never good at math, but now i am finally seeing.

...but now what i am seeing is what i do not want to see.